Sleep is a Wonderful Thing

Somehow I got myself into the habit of going to bed around 11 every night. The problem with that is that my family is in the habit of waking up around 5 or 6 in the morning. The real problem with that is that my body seems to need about 9-10 hours of sleep a night to function normally. And by normally I mean not crying all the time and not assuming that everyone else in the world hates me.

Crying is usually my second warning that I need to get a good night's sleep. I'll cry at a movie on tv, or at a song that usually doesn't make me cry. Or something in my life that normally doesn't bother me quite so much will make me cry. By then it's too late to do anything since if I can't stop crying and just go to bed it usually means that I need to be somewhere or do something.

The real problem with me lacking sleep comes after the crying has started and before I can make it to sleep. All it takes is one comment, or one look from someone and I immediately think that everyone around me hates me. The first time I remember feeling this was once when I was about 10 or 11 I spent a week with a friend who insisted that we stay up late every night. Then one of the last days we were there my friend shut and locked the door to the back deck while a friend of her mother's was outside. After she noticed that it was locked and we let her bang on the glass for a minute I went and opened it, taking the blame for my friend. To me she seemed furious, as if Hades was opening up behind her and commanding Cerberus to come running out at me. The rest of the week I was certain that she was still mad at me, but not only her, both of my friends parents and every one of their family that we went to visit.


I'm thinking about this now because I'm tired. I'm still in the earliest of stages, which means a mild state of panic. I used to feel it a lot during the school year and I always attributed it to not having my homework completed. But now there is no homework. There's nothing that I need to complete before tomorrow except having a good night's rest, and I'm panicking. I think I'm worried about having Thanksgiving off of work, or about getting to work on time tomorrow, or about writing more of Stormy Seas. But I probably won't have work on Thanksgiving, work isn't until 11 and I know I'll get there on time, and I just finished writing the next segment of Stormy Seas. I'm just very, very tired. And with that, I go to bed.